Cletus and Olllie Part 2
Jeff Stanfield for SPLIT REED
Check out Cletus and Ollie Part 1 Here
It only seems fitting to take a man out for a steak after he lets you shoot a wad of ducks. So Otis, Earl, and Cletus decide a Steak dinner and cocktails with their new friend Clyde would be the perfect ending to a great day. Clyde was a bachelor who loved to shoot deer and Elk but he had little fanfare for the ducks and geese. He said shooting a bird was about as much fun as talking to a democrat about work ethic. But he loved to talk about America and how great of a place she was, so he had lots in common with Cletus and Otis.
The boys had a 12-ounce ribeye, rare to medium rare with mushrooms, a huge baked potato, and locally grown sweet corn on the cob. They topped it off with another three fingers of bourbon and then it was back to the hotel to clean birds and plan tomorrow’s hunt. After skinning out the gadwalls and teal, they took on the task of plucking the mallards. Two old guys, some equipment, and it took all of about 30 minutes to have the birds table-ready for later. Just add some specks from Texas and it will be the best Thanksgiving Buffalo, Kansas has seen in years.
During the cleaning part of the night, they decided on a plan for tomorrow. A wheat field about a 1/2 mile from the Missouri River had about 300 birds, mostly all big Canadas on it. It would be an easy hide, and being old, that was of utmost importance. They would drive the truck on Clyde’s field right to the spot and use about five dozen Dive Bombs, throw in a dozen field mallards and throw up that favorite Lucky Duck 2x4 blind. A thermos of coffee and some sweet rolls from the local cafe. Well, everything went as planned until they had just finished sitting up the decoys and were pulling out the blind to set up. They could hear it before they could see it, thumping like a drum. It was getting louder and louder- and then they saw the lights. The other group stops, at the gate, music bumping. The old boys have company.
It seems a group of those flat-billed hat guys, with those yoga camo pants, have decided to hunt the same field. The leader, a short fat guy with no neck gets out and tells them, “we’re hunting here today, Pops, you need to go somewhere else”. That isn’t the way to address someone who bought a steak for the landowner the night before and he drove them to the field and told them to get after it. Now, Otis was an old oil field hand so he doesn’t get moved easily, and Cletus has been dealing with teenagers for 40 years. They were the wrong two old guys to try and be pushy with. Cletus tells them, “Listen, Clyde told us last night we could hunt today. It’s 5 AM and I’m not calling him to confirm whether you can be here or not. We are hunting here and if you would like to join us you can, or you can go elsewhere, my name is Cletus and he is Otis. Grab that other blind and start brushing it in with grass”. The short fat guy said, timidly, “My name is Mikey, and we sure appreciate you letting us hunt with you”. After an hour the blind looked great and the eastern sky was getting an orange glow to it. The wind was steady at 15 out of the south and the temp was 42 degrees.
Mikey busted out a call, and to the old boy’s delight, the kid was pretty proficient with it. Otis was proud that he was using a Pacific Calls call he bought when he had the honor of meeting Alex and Trevor in Spokane at their shop, so he felt 20 years younger being connected to the ‘cool group’. The first flights were big groups of ducks, mostly wigeon, and Mikey’s friend Yoder (his parents must have been drunk, or Amish) tells them that wigeon are like fat girls- they will give it up easily. Sure enough, they did. The first flock, they knock out five birds, Ollie picks them up and hand delivers them all. Otis is worried about damn bands and so are the kids. It’s a metal band on a leg of a bird that was dumb enough to get caught without being shot. Shit, it's like getting an award for being last in a race or banging the ugly girl and bragging. I just don’t get it.
The next group of cotton tops hits the hole and the group drops four more. Back goes Ollie. Then we hear the wings whistling and three pintails decide to check out the spread. Despite seeing a large number of geese in the field, Cletus wasn’t expecting all this duck action when they scouted it out. He was extra glad they threw out a few Dive Bomb green heads. Pintails are pintails and they are as hard-headed as any woman in the world. Spin feet down, feet up, spin, feet down, feet up and spin again. Finally, after fourteen spins and almost doing it, a pair of cotton tops fall in and those hard-headed sprigs follow right behind. five more birds hit the ground.
The ducks stop flying, and now they wait for the geese to get off the sand bar. You can hear them singing the call of the wild. Throw in a few flocks of sandhill cranes, some visiting about life and talking about the future of waterfowl with the hunting party and the blind was full of familiar waterfowling sounds. Then it happens- a big flock of birds jumps up and heads right to the spread. A family group of nine birds comes right in and Otis calls the shot, three birds fall dead. Bingo! One has a neck collar and two bands, while the other two have bands. Since Otis called the shot he gets the collar, and Mikey and Yoder both get a banded bird.
As the morning passes the birds begin to rack up a mile away and they suck all the other birds in the area that way. The boys shoot another four geese and three ducks and call it a morning. Mikey offers to buy a late breakfast in town since they all hunted together. It's nice to see the opposite end of the spectrum hunt together and realize they all have the same goals-hunt and respect the hunt. Just different ways of doing it.
After the hunt was over the young guys pose for pics and IG fame while the older guys open up a cork and take a swig. No pics or posts, why would he want Dawn to know what he is doing? She knows he is living his dream and that’s all anyone needs to know. He calls in each day to let her know he is alive; he doesn’t want the world to know that North Dakota is his home for another week.
Mikey asks if they want the birds, which doesn’t sit well with Cletus. Damn these young guys! You kill it, you clean it! He says “NO! We will take half the birds, you take half but we will help you clean them after you buy me some pancakes and coffee”. After cleaning the birds and taking down a big stack of pancakes it was time for a nap and then afternoon scouting for the elusive ribeye of the sky.
Storks are on the menu for tomorrow.
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